The Importance of Date Night & FHE even after a trauma!
Why is date night and FHE (Family Home Evening) so important even after recovering from a trauma? Both are ways to continue bonding. Date night is to connect with your partner in a romantic, intimate way and help keep the relationship moving forward. Who doesn’t like to be courted, get compliments and affection from the person they chose! For those of you that don’t know what family home evening is, it’s where your family that lives under the same roof gets together, can have prayer (if thats what you practice), a lesson, activity, game, discuss schedules and any issues to help the family bond. If it’s just you and your partner you can still have FHE and date night on separate nights of the week.
Here are some Ideas for date night while recovering because you’re not dead yet! You’re still you and your partner is still them and they have needs too. Love, comfort and support is something we all need!
If you have stitches:
-Dinner at home or at least what you can eat. No cooking, you have to heal. Let your partner take care of what's for dinner either by them cooking, ordering food or picking something up. Keep things easy and low-key because they might be feeling even more stressed than you.
-Your partner can gently massages you.
-Watch a movie or favorite TV shows at home.
-Put a puzzle together or an easy, low energy game.
-You can still be intimate because intimacy isn’t sex.
What about sex?
Depends on what the trauma is that you’re healing from. So, that should be discussed with your doctor. Your doctor will probably suggest waiting at least till your stitches are out and give you an estimated timeline. Listen to your body and communicate with your partner. There’s oral, hands, kissing, vaginal, anal and a variety of positions. My man and I found our go to vaginal sex position when I’m recovering from my face skin cancer surgeries which is him sitting on the bed and I sit on him facing him. This is so I have more control, it’s very erotic and he has access to everything!
With my sonohysterography I had to wait longer than the skin cancer surgeries because my cervix had to heal. Plus my doctor suggested since I was still bleeding some a month after to use a condom and lube because it sounded like my cervix wasn't completely healed. Reason is semen could aggravate my still healing insides. Honestly every surgery and injury has been different for me as they will be with you too.
When your stitches are out but you’re still healing and might have bandages:
-Dinner at a nice, quiet, “not busy” restaurant and you can ask for a booth or table that’s a little more private. Don’t be embarrassed if your partner has to help you, let them. When I fractured my left wrist and when I got right radial nerve palsy my man and I went to our go to restaurant when I’m healing and he had to cut my food for me.
-Now you can go see a movie in a movie theater but I would still choose a “non-crowded” time to go.
-If you both like to shop choose a department store to go to. This way you can both look and you’re not exhausting yourself. The nicer department stores normally allow your partner in the dressing room with you or at least they do in LA and NYC especially if they see that your still healing and might need help getting undressed and dressed. Plus we both find this a great tease recovering or not “Ok, I can’t take anymore. I can only handle so much teasing.” That’s the same as while at dinner and it’s “Check please! I got to get you home.”
If your trauma is a non-physical one it could take a longer time for you to heal and some therapy or just someone you trust that you can confide in that's a wise person. If you choose to go to therapy, tell your partner and decide if they might like to go with you. If you don't tell them, they will notice energy change and that something is up. Which can lead to more issues.
I would save crowded, loud and physically exhausting places / activities for after you’re fully recovered. If you’re like me and are use to the process but your partner isn’t just talk them through it and remind them that you need them to be calm, help and you need their love, support and affection because you are not dead, you will heal. Remember to be patient with your partner, communicate. Especially if your partner is a man they might feel bad that they can't do more to help "fix" you. They want you to be back to "normal" ASAP but it takes time and patience. They also might ask why all of your doctors are attractive? No need to get defensive. My reply was, "I'm not sure but they are great doctors, that's what's important." When you have a partner that stands by your side and helps you, even if they might get a little emotional (we all have our moments) remind them of how great they are, you value, love, appreciate and cherish them more than anything! Just like anything you find a routine that works for you both.
If you have questions or would like to schedule a session on how to prep for a surgery or recovery after a trauma please email me TraumaToFitness@gmail.com . I look forward to hearing from you.
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